10 Ways to Help your Child with Homework (6-10)
Sigh...
6. Tell the teacher everything
That is, everything that's happening at home that might affect how your child behaves in school. That includes positive changes (such as the birth of a baby, a move to a bigger and better house, or even a vacation to Disney World), as well as negative ones (a separation or divorce, a death or illness in the family, a parent who's lost a job).
It's not that teachers are nosy. It's that most children are not terribly skilled at handling excitement or coping with changes or stress. And they all carry their baggage from home into the classroom. Even something little, like a fight with a sibling in the car on the way to school, can affect a child's behavior or performance at school.
What else do teachers want to know?
• What your child's special passions are: Sometimes, a child who is a reluctant reader can be drawn to books that speak to a special interest, such as sports, or pirates, or ice skating, or animals. Or, a desire to write may be stimulated by an invitation to describe one of the subjects your child loves. Let the teacher know if there is something that really motivates your child, so she can capitalize on it in the classroom.
• What your child's special needs are: That includes anything from allergies to phobias, physical or medical conditions, learning problems or preferences, special talents, emotional concerns, and behavioral patterns. If you think an issue might come up in these or other areas, let the teacher know.
7. Make sure your child is ready for school
All through elementary school, it's the parent's job to make sure a child:
• Gets to bed at a reasonable hour. That means around 8:30 to 9 p.m. Children who regularly go to bed later on school nights have a hard time keeping up in school, teachers say. They end up being tired and grouchy, they're more likely to have behavioral problems, and they aren't able to fulfill their academic potential. Even sleep specialists are now beginning to believe that certain behavioral and learning problems among children are the result of undetected sleep deprivation.
The bottom line is that a good night's sleep is the best guarantee of a pleasant and productive day at school.
• Eat a filling and nutritious breakfast. Children who skip breakfast may not feel hungry when they first get to school, but according to teachers, they usually hit a slump around mid-morning and can't keep their minds on schoolwork, until sometime after lunch.
If your child doesn't like the traditional foods kids eat for breakfast, let him eat what he does like. There's nothing nutritionally wrong with eating pizza or a peanut butter sandwich in the morning. Or, if all else fails, send him to school with a breakfast bar and a box of juice, so he can get something in his belly before the first bell rings.
• Wears the proper clothes for both the day's activities and the weather. Children don't always have the best judgment when it comes to protective clothing. (If it's warm in the house, they assume it's going to be warm outside, for example.) And they don't always remember which days they have gym or other special activities. So it's up to you to tell your child what to expect in terms of weather, and what to wear — or at least bring — to school.
• Labels all belongings. That includes his backpack, lunch box, books, school supplies — and any other piece of clothing or personal item that might somehow get separated from him during the school day. Even 10-year-olds aren't that reliable when it comes to identifying their own clothing left in the classroom or lunchroom.
• Has a lunch or lunch money. Most children aren't thinking about lunch when they run out to meet the bus or jump in the car in the morning. It's your job to either make it, take it, or remind your child to remember about lunch.
• Puts her homework in her backpack, to bring to school. Fourth graders may be able to do this on their own, but it never hurts to ask, "Got your homework?" before your child slips out the door.
• Remembers to bring special supplies for special days. Find a way to help you both stay on top of teacher requests. Hang up a big calendar with important dates circled in red, for instance, or put up post-it notes on the bathroom mirror the night before a special day at school.
• Knows exactly who will pick her up and what will happen when the school day ends. Children will worry all day long if they don't know what to expect when that final bell rings. If you anticipate any change in the daily routine, or in the person greeting your child after school, make sure you give plenty of notice.
• Gets to school on time — every day. Chronic lateness is not only disruptive to the entire class, it can make a child feel out-of-step all day. Plus, it sends a message that school is not important enough to be on time for.
8. Spend time in your child's classroom
Even if it's only once a year, and you have to take a half-day off from work to do it. All children get a real thrill when they see their parent in their classroom. It sends a powerful message that you care about your child, and about her education.
In most schools, you don't need an excuse to visit the classroom. Just ask the teacher if you can come in and observe. If you want an excuse, volunteer. Teachers are always looking for parents to:
• Share expertise in a particular subject area related to your job or hobbies
• Read to children
• Participate in writing workshops, or help children "publish" their books
• Chaperone field trips
If you have lots of time to give, you might consider:
• Being a "class parent" (the person who acts as a liaison between the teacher and the other parents — rounding up chaperones for school trips, for instance, or organizing classroom celebrations
• Joining the school's parent/teacher association
9. Encourage responsibility and independence
Both of these are essential to independent learning. And both will make it easier for your child to adjust to the demands of school, and get along with his teacher and classmates. So, whenever possible, let your child do things for himself — and for others.
For example, encourage him to:
• Play an active role in getting ready for school. That includes picking out school clothes (preferably the night before), getting up on time (using an alarm clock, if necessary), getting dressed, washing up and brushing his teeth, getting his own breakfast ready, making up his bed, and checking to make sure he has everything he needs in his backpack. If necessary, make him a checklist to help him remember everything that needs to be done.
• Develop a homework routine. While there's no set formula, it will help if your child has a regular time and place to do her homework each day. That way she's less likely to forget to do it, and less likely to fight about doing it "later on."
• Unpack his own backpack. Teach him that as soon as he gets home from school, he should unpack his backpack, put his homework materials in his homework place, and hand you (or put in a special place) any newsletters, notes from the teacher, papers to sign, or special work he's brought home. Then he can watch TV, or have his snack, or do whatever else is planned.
If you make this part of a daily routine, you're less likely to be hit during the morning rush with, "Oh, no! I'm supposed to bring in cupcakes for the party today" or "Today's the day you're supposed to come to school for our science fair."
• Pick up her own mess. That includes toys scattered on the living room floor, bikes, and roller skates left out on the driveway, and wet towels left cold and lonely on the bathroom floor. It may take longer and require more effort for you to insist that your child pick things up herself, but in the long run it's better for her than having you always do it. In school, she won't have a choice.
• Get involved in family meals. Your child can set the table, help with the grocery list, fix his own breakfast, make his own lunch, and help plan meals and shop for food.
• Perform regular chores that benefit the entire family. Even little things like taking out the trash regularly will help your child see herself as part of a larger family team. It will also build her sense of competence and confidence.
• Hold your child accountable for his actions. If the teacher calls up and says she caught your child cheating, she hasn't seen homework from your child in two weeks, or your child hasn't passed in a major project yet, don't jump to your child's defense with excuses. Instead, schedule a meeting with your child and the teacher to find out why he's slacking off or misbehaving, and establish a mutually satisfactory consequence. Make it clear that your child has to take responsibility for his own actions, even if it means getting a poor grade or being grounded.
10. Ask your child about school every day
It isn't always easy to get the scoop on school from your own child. If you ask a perfectly normal, sincere question like, "What did you do at school today?" you're likely to get the classic response: "Nothing."
One reason is that so many things happen in the classroom that it's hard for the average child to answer a question like that. She can't remember everything she did, and even if she could, she wouldn't know where to start. It doesn't help to ask, "What did you learn at school today?" or "How was school today?" either. Both will elicit one-word answers ("Nothing" or "Fine"), because they're too broad and too vague for most children to process.
But it's still important to ask about school, because it teaches your child that school is important, and that you really are interested in her life. So how can you get your child to open up? Here's what other parents say really works:
• Don't ask too soon. "When my son gets off the bus, the last thing he wants to do is talk about school," says parent Mary Mitchell. "He's too busy thinking about playing with his toys or visiting his friends. So I've learned to let him chill out and play awhile before asking any questions."
• Develop a ritual. "For my son, the magic moment is bedtime," says parent Charles James. "He's probably just trying to stall me, so he can stay up later. But when he's all tucked in and the lights are off, I hear the most detailed descriptions about school."
• Ask specific questions. "I get the best responses when I ask my son about something I'm pretty sure he did at school that day," says parent Julie Ritzer Ross. For instance: "Who sat next to you at lunch? How did you do on your spelling test?" The more specific you can be, the better.
• Give your child space. Some children like to think of school as their own private world, where their parents and siblings can't intrude. If your child is like that, don't push. Let him know you're interested in his school day, and let him approach you if he has anything really important to share. Then stay in touch behind the scenes with the teacher, to make sure everything's going okay.
That is, everything that's happening at home that might affect how your child behaves in school. That includes positive changes (such as the birth of a baby, a move to a bigger and better house, or even a vacation to Disney World), as well as negative ones (a separation or divorce, a death or illness in the family, a parent who's lost a job).
It's not that teachers are nosy. It's that most children are not terribly skilled at handling excitement or coping with changes or stress. And they all carry their baggage from home into the classroom. Even something little, like a fight with a sibling in the car on the way to school, can affect a child's behavior or performance at school.
What else do teachers want to know?
• What your child's special passions are: Sometimes, a child who is a reluctant reader can be drawn to books that speak to a special interest, such as sports, or pirates, or ice skating, or animals. Or, a desire to write may be stimulated by an invitation to describe one of the subjects your child loves. Let the teacher know if there is something that really motivates your child, so she can capitalize on it in the classroom.
• What your child's special needs are: That includes anything from allergies to phobias, physical or medical conditions, learning problems or preferences, special talents, emotional concerns, and behavioral patterns. If you think an issue might come up in these or other areas, let the teacher know.
7. Make sure your child is ready for school
All through elementary school, it's the parent's job to make sure a child:
• Gets to bed at a reasonable hour. That means around 8:30 to 9 p.m. Children who regularly go to bed later on school nights have a hard time keeping up in school, teachers say. They end up being tired and grouchy, they're more likely to have behavioral problems, and they aren't able to fulfill their academic potential. Even sleep specialists are now beginning to believe that certain behavioral and learning problems among children are the result of undetected sleep deprivation.
The bottom line is that a good night's sleep is the best guarantee of a pleasant and productive day at school.
• Eat a filling and nutritious breakfast. Children who skip breakfast may not feel hungry when they first get to school, but according to teachers, they usually hit a slump around mid-morning and can't keep their minds on schoolwork, until sometime after lunch.
If your child doesn't like the traditional foods kids eat for breakfast, let him eat what he does like. There's nothing nutritionally wrong with eating pizza or a peanut butter sandwich in the morning. Or, if all else fails, send him to school with a breakfast bar and a box of juice, so he can get something in his belly before the first bell rings.
• Wears the proper clothes for both the day's activities and the weather. Children don't always have the best judgment when it comes to protective clothing. (If it's warm in the house, they assume it's going to be warm outside, for example.) And they don't always remember which days they have gym or other special activities. So it's up to you to tell your child what to expect in terms of weather, and what to wear — or at least bring — to school.
• Labels all belongings. That includes his backpack, lunch box, books, school supplies — and any other piece of clothing or personal item that might somehow get separated from him during the school day. Even 10-year-olds aren't that reliable when it comes to identifying their own clothing left in the classroom or lunchroom.
• Has a lunch or lunch money. Most children aren't thinking about lunch when they run out to meet the bus or jump in the car in the morning. It's your job to either make it, take it, or remind your child to remember about lunch.
• Puts her homework in her backpack, to bring to school. Fourth graders may be able to do this on their own, but it never hurts to ask, "Got your homework?" before your child slips out the door.
• Remembers to bring special supplies for special days. Find a way to help you both stay on top of teacher requests. Hang up a big calendar with important dates circled in red, for instance, or put up post-it notes on the bathroom mirror the night before a special day at school.
• Knows exactly who will pick her up and what will happen when the school day ends. Children will worry all day long if they don't know what to expect when that final bell rings. If you anticipate any change in the daily routine, or in the person greeting your child after school, make sure you give plenty of notice.
• Gets to school on time — every day. Chronic lateness is not only disruptive to the entire class, it can make a child feel out-of-step all day. Plus, it sends a message that school is not important enough to be on time for.
8. Spend time in your child's classroom
Even if it's only once a year, and you have to take a half-day off from work to do it. All children get a real thrill when they see their parent in their classroom. It sends a powerful message that you care about your child, and about her education.
In most schools, you don't need an excuse to visit the classroom. Just ask the teacher if you can come in and observe. If you want an excuse, volunteer. Teachers are always looking for parents to:
• Share expertise in a particular subject area related to your job or hobbies
• Read to children
• Participate in writing workshops, or help children "publish" their books
• Chaperone field trips
If you have lots of time to give, you might consider:
• Being a "class parent" (the person who acts as a liaison between the teacher and the other parents — rounding up chaperones for school trips, for instance, or organizing classroom celebrations
• Joining the school's parent/teacher association
9. Encourage responsibility and independence
Both of these are essential to independent learning. And both will make it easier for your child to adjust to the demands of school, and get along with his teacher and classmates. So, whenever possible, let your child do things for himself — and for others.
For example, encourage him to:
• Play an active role in getting ready for school. That includes picking out school clothes (preferably the night before), getting up on time (using an alarm clock, if necessary), getting dressed, washing up and brushing his teeth, getting his own breakfast ready, making up his bed, and checking to make sure he has everything he needs in his backpack. If necessary, make him a checklist to help him remember everything that needs to be done.
• Develop a homework routine. While there's no set formula, it will help if your child has a regular time and place to do her homework each day. That way she's less likely to forget to do it, and less likely to fight about doing it "later on."
• Unpack his own backpack. Teach him that as soon as he gets home from school, he should unpack his backpack, put his homework materials in his homework place, and hand you (or put in a special place) any newsletters, notes from the teacher, papers to sign, or special work he's brought home. Then he can watch TV, or have his snack, or do whatever else is planned.
If you make this part of a daily routine, you're less likely to be hit during the morning rush with, "Oh, no! I'm supposed to bring in cupcakes for the party today" or "Today's the day you're supposed to come to school for our science fair."
• Pick up her own mess. That includes toys scattered on the living room floor, bikes, and roller skates left out on the driveway, and wet towels left cold and lonely on the bathroom floor. It may take longer and require more effort for you to insist that your child pick things up herself, but in the long run it's better for her than having you always do it. In school, she won't have a choice.
• Get involved in family meals. Your child can set the table, help with the grocery list, fix his own breakfast, make his own lunch, and help plan meals and shop for food.
• Perform regular chores that benefit the entire family. Even little things like taking out the trash regularly will help your child see herself as part of a larger family team. It will also build her sense of competence and confidence.
• Hold your child accountable for his actions. If the teacher calls up and says she caught your child cheating, she hasn't seen homework from your child in two weeks, or your child hasn't passed in a major project yet, don't jump to your child's defense with excuses. Instead, schedule a meeting with your child and the teacher to find out why he's slacking off or misbehaving, and establish a mutually satisfactory consequence. Make it clear that your child has to take responsibility for his own actions, even if it means getting a poor grade or being grounded.
10. Ask your child about school every day
It isn't always easy to get the scoop on school from your own child. If you ask a perfectly normal, sincere question like, "What did you do at school today?" you're likely to get the classic response: "Nothing."
One reason is that so many things happen in the classroom that it's hard for the average child to answer a question like that. She can't remember everything she did, and even if she could, she wouldn't know where to start. It doesn't help to ask, "What did you learn at school today?" or "How was school today?" either. Both will elicit one-word answers ("Nothing" or "Fine"), because they're too broad and too vague for most children to process.
But it's still important to ask about school, because it teaches your child that school is important, and that you really are interested in her life. So how can you get your child to open up? Here's what other parents say really works:
• Don't ask too soon. "When my son gets off the bus, the last thing he wants to do is talk about school," says parent Mary Mitchell. "He's too busy thinking about playing with his toys or visiting his friends. So I've learned to let him chill out and play awhile before asking any questions."
• Develop a ritual. "For my son, the magic moment is bedtime," says parent Charles James. "He's probably just trying to stall me, so he can stay up later. But when he's all tucked in and the lights are off, I hear the most detailed descriptions about school."
• Ask specific questions. "I get the best responses when I ask my son about something I'm pretty sure he did at school that day," says parent Julie Ritzer Ross. For instance: "Who sat next to you at lunch? How did you do on your spelling test?" The more specific you can be, the better.
• Give your child space. Some children like to think of school as their own private world, where their parents and siblings can't intrude. If your child is like that, don't push. Let him know you're interested in his school day, and let him approach you if he has anything really important to share. Then stay in touch behind the scenes with the teacher, to make sure everything's going okay.